I am finally claiming my power. Yesterday I started this layout after spending the afternoon with a good friend I hadn’t seen in a while. I wanted to do a layout that would help to squash all my doubts and fears around stepping into my creative power (mainly with regards to my writing).
I finished writing the first draft of a very experimental novel on Saturday night (over 79k words!) and that’s when all the doubts started to creep in – like am I good enough, how will people respond to this, what if it flops. I needed some space to reset and to reclaim my creative prowess so this layout was born.
I started out by writing down my BIG dream (to be a bestselling author who opens people’s mind and helps them to live their dreams) then added ALL my doubts and fears. I wrote in black gel ink since it felt very serious and somber to me. Like this was it – here are all the pieces holding me back.
It felt amazing to get all that down. Once I was done, I proceeded to paint over the words in an olive green. It’s not my favorite color but I liked how it matched the tone of the piece. I was a bit dismayed that it didn’t provide full coverage despite using acrylic paint but I told myself to trust the process and to keep moving forward.
After quick drying it with my heat gun, I covered the page with a bright yellow, rolling it out with a brayer. I started to get happy with out it finally started to cover up the black ink while also allowing some of the ink shapes to add texture to the paint.
After another quick dry with the heat gun (love that thing!), I added a bright orange to help liven up the pages. I scrubbed it down a bit with a baby wipe wanting the yellow to shine through more but, of course, it didn’t turn out exactly as planned. That’s one of the amazing things I’m learning with art journaling: things will not go according to plan (paint is messy!) and to just go with it. Let go and just go.
I let this sit a bit, grabbing a quick dinner before returning to work on it more. I love how you can still see the black ink through the paint but there’s no way you can even begin to read it. I think it adds a nice layer while also reminding me that the doubts and fears will always be there – it’s just more important to keep myself focused on the POSITIVE stuff to help keep myself going.
I added the stamped text as well as the text yesterday, painting in ADVENTURE GIRL with watercolor paint. I added little stamps of white stars and the don’t be afraid to dream big stamp. Today I went back over everything with my favorite white gel pen, brightening it all up, and added the stamps along the top and sides. I still don’t feel like it’s finished but sometimes you just need to let it go and be done with it. This is another thing I need to learn with my writing because, seriously, it never feels done/good enough. (And of course I spelled successful wrong because it was late and I was tired. Oh well!)
With all the nice embellishments over the paint, I no longer notice the text underneath. It’s still there and you can see it if you really look, but all the positive affirmations are (obviously) much more prevalent. This is how I want my creative journey to be as much as possible – the good outweighing the negative. I know it won’t always be that way but more than not will be good enough for me.